Posts Tagged Life

Ready to pass out.

Mar 11

Posted by Ashley in General | No Comments

I haven’t been around much as of lately because for the past two weeks I’ve been bogged down with studying and exams. I had three regular exams last week and had a midterm in Western Civilization this morning. I’m exhausted from studying and from work that I’m ready to check into an extended stay hotels so that I have a nice comfy bed to sleep in instead of an air mattress. Aside from work and studying, nothing has been happening that is even remotely interesting. Spring break starts on Monday the 16th so I can imagine that classes tomorrow and Friday will be fairly deserted.

I have a dentist appointment at 8am tomorrow to look at my gum on the upper right side of my mouth that’s been a bit sore since the other day; it’s not bleeding or red, it looks normal but it hurts so much when I brush my teeth and I’d rather get it checked and be nothing than find out later it’s some infection or off the wall thing. On Friday, I’ll have the day to my self except at night when I go to work since one of my classes isn’t being held (Western Civ) and the other most likely will be empty as it was on Monday. I work a total of 46 hours over spring break which I’m looking forward too then again I’m not. I am because I need the money and 46 hours means a big paycheck come pay day but I’m not looking forward to it because it means spending 7:45-1:30 and then 5:15-8:45 with 8 kids for five days straight and they aren’t the most well behaved children either. Don’t get me wrong, I love and enjoy my job but now that we’re up to 8 kids (which doesn’t seem a lot, but let it be reminded these kids have drug and/or alcohol addicted parents) it’s a bit hectic and it’s definitely affecting my moods.

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I’m 23.

Feb 13

Posted by Ashley in General | 2 Comments

Yesterday was my twenty third birthday and I can say that, I don’t feel any older. Maybe a bit wiser, but not older – okay maybe a little old when I think about Alan having just turned 21 in November, lol. Anyways, it was a normal day for me consisting of school and work even though I stayed home from school because I wanted to sleep.

Lately, I feel like I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep and I know most of it’s due in part to the fact that I sleep on an air mattress and not a regular bed. Hopefully, when my dad and them go to SC for spring break to see my grandfather he’ll be able to pick up my bed from my mom’s house; if not, he’s helping me buy a new bed. I’m so tired of waking up tired and waking up with achy bones because it’s uncomfortable. Along with bed furniture, I have to start looking at office furniture for a new computer chair; that one I have now is tiny with no cushion what so ever and it hurts after sitting for any length of time.

I have a few other things to talk about but I have to finish getting ready for work and head out. I’ll post later.

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Appointments galore.

Feb 7

Posted by Ashley in General | 2 Comments

I have two appointments in the next two weeks, one is medical and the other is for my car. On Monday, I take a trip to have the lovely yearly exam that every woman likes to have. I’m glad that I got in and was able to make my appointment when I did at the health center because my insurance expires on Thursday because I turn 23; damn military and kicking me out of the system for good! But it was nice while it lasted.

I’m thinking about bringing up the possibility of having PCOS, but I haven’t decided. It was mentioned about two years ago when I went in to have an exam and get back on birth control pills; I hadn’t had a period in a year or so and if I did have them they were really random. I didn’t really think much of it because, honestly, WHO WANTS TO BLEED EVERY MONTH?! No one. But when it was mentioned as a possible cause I looked it up and it’s been in the back of my mind ever since, it just hasn’t been something I’ve pursued in finding out about because I’m not worried about having children right now and I figured that, maybe by the time I am ready I’ll have lost weight and things will be okay. The main reason I didn’t want to know at this point, aside from not needing children, is I didn’t want something else to worry about. But it’s probably best to know now rather than later? I don’t know.

The other appointment is for my car. I finally get to drop it off on the 17th to have the repair work done from the hit and run that happened last month. I got over the stress and anxiety it was causing me every time I looked at the car and have had the money for the repairs since the end of the month. Luckily, I have fairly decent and cheap auto insurance through USAA so I’m only going to be paying $200 for my deductible AND they are giving me a rental car for the four days my car will be in the shop. Hopefully, once it’s repaired, everything will be good to go. The next thing I would like to do to my car is get the windows tinted but that’s not something I have to have so it’ll be one of those things I can when I can afford to do it.

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My days are packed.

Feb 5

Posted by Ashley in General | 1 Comment

My days have been pretty busy as of lately consisting of work in the morning from 7:45-10am, going to class from 11-12:50, and back to work from 1:45-3:30 on Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Friday’s. Then on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s, I’m in class from 11-3:45 and work from 5:15-8:45.

Both work and school have been great lately except for the fact that Ashley (my supervisor) has been running around trying to get inspections and paperwork together for things like business insurance so that we can become a certified daycare center – which means more children will be allowed to stay. Also, the flu is going around at school AND work. Per an article I read in the University paper the other day, people are just now coming into the health center sick with the flu which is out of the norm considering the flu season usually peaks and drops around February/March; it seems this year it’s starting late. At work, clients and techs have been out with a 24-hour stomach flu consisting of vomiting and dirreha…luckily, it hasn’t made it into the childcare area as far as workers are concerned but some of the children have been out sick since two weeks ago.

I feel like my body is trying to come down with whatever flu is going around because for the past two days I’ve been achy in random places, have had a horrible headache that doesn’t go away with eating or taking medication and my stomach has just felt off. I haven’t vomited or anything, so I’m hoping that I’ll just have this “off” feeling rather than actually getting sick. I don’t need to be sick AGAIN, I just got over a two week sinus congestion deal that had my whole head stuffed up – I’m still blowing my nose to get the nasty crap out.

Other than that, I haven’t been up to much at all. I’m going to try and see Barry this coming weekend since I haven’t been the last three visits; I got sick for one thing and then last week, I was going to go but just didn’t feel up to it. I have a test tomorrow in Abnormal Psych which I’m pretty confident I’ll do well on. I have an appointment for my yearly exam on Monday, next Thursday is my 23rd birthday and I take my car to get repaired on the 17th, so my days are pretty packed, but I’m doing well and that’s what is important to me.

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Come on 2009.

Dec 15

Posted by Ashley in General, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

The year 2008 is slowly but surely winding down and coming to a close and I couldn’t be happier. 2008 has been a pretty rough year for me consisting of a bunch of drama and emotions all around and seems to have only gotten worse as the year progressed. The last few weeks I’ve been doing pretty well with keeping my emotions under wraps as I’ve come to realize that worrying and stressing over some of the things that I was worrying and stressing over just isn’t worth the time and engery anymore. I need to take care of myself and my well being and pay more attention to what Ashley needs and wants. Hopefully, 2009 will be a lot better; a better semester at school, a better life at home, a better physical life, just better period. I look forward to the beginning of the year because I’ll have a job which means I can stop writing about diet pill that works when they really don’t. I’ll have cash flow coming in and I’ll finally be able to save again and buy things that I _want_ not what everyone else wants. We’ll see though, how things turn out…and I’ll be here blogging about it every step of the way.

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Turning into a home maker? Not quite.

Sep 30

Posted by Ashley in Home and Garden | 2 Comments

Since moving into my apartment – my first ever – and living on my own which means depending on me for everything, I have come to realize that it takes more time and effort to “run” a household than I thought. I, honestly, feel bad about all the times I didn’t help my mom around the house even if it was with simple chores like vacuuming or doing the dishes. I make sure the dishes are done every day and have made a habit of putting them into the dishwasher right away, I also make sure to unload it promptly and not just open it up to get a clean dish out.

I’ve also noticed that I can’t stand for things to be messy…when I lived at home, my space was my bedroom and I was in control of how I kept it; yes, I’m not the most organized or clean person but when I do get to cleaning I make sure everything is put away and nicely organized, now I do that on a regular basis – I seriously don’t know how many times I’ve cleaned the kitchen counters and stove top or how many times I’ve straightened up the living room since I moved in even though the messes are not really big at all.

One of the bigger changes for me, however, is cooking. I never cooked before because I absolutely hated it, it was a chore that I didn’t want to take part in – the preparing, the cooking, the cleaning up afterwards. Ugh. But since moving into my apartment, I actually enjoy cooking a lot more than I thought I would. I’m still trying to figure things out and looking up different recipes to try out (I’ll definitely have to check out some easy green bean recipes), but in general I enjoy cooking for myself. It’s also something that I have more control over now since I do live on my own and I’m solely responsible for the foods I buy and put into my body; I mean, I had control over that before because my mom couldn’t force me to eat something I didn’t want too but if someone else is buying the groceries and they refuse to buy more healthy foods what are you going to do? I try my best to buy healthy foods and I can only see it get better from here on out. I’m really excited with how things are going in this area of my life. :)

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October is almost here.

Sep 29

Posted by Ashley in General | 2 Comments

“Time flies by when you’re having fun;” I wish that were true for me right now but it’s not. I’m extremely happy that I’m back in Lawrence – the town I’ve considered my real home since we originally moved here in 1997 – and I’m glad that I’m going to KU but at the same time, I’m having a hard time being alone. While, I am happy to have my own apartment which means having my own space and being on my own, I’m not happy that I don’t have anything to DO or people to do things WITH.

Before I left South Carolina, I thought in my mind that everything would be great, I’d be able to start fresh, make new friends, be able to enjoy life that way I enjoyed it before but it hasn’t been that way at all. Making friend isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. I’ve never had a hard time making friends because of the way I grew up, I was forced to learn how too so that isn’t the problem; the problem is the fact that at this time in every one’s life (the college age) people for the most part already have their friends, they are comfortable with where they are at so it doesn’t matter if they make new friends or not because like I said they are comfortable, why change it? There isn’t really much time either to get to know someone in your class – you get to campus and go straight to class, during class you can’t sit there and talk about this that or the other because you’re paying attention (or suppose to be at least), and then when class is over you leave to hurry to the next one or catch the bus if you ride it to go home. There is ONE girl that I’ve met that I’ve become “friends” with and the only reason we’re talking is because we have two classes together so we have that in common. The thing is though is that she doesn’t stay in town (Lawrence) the majority of the time because her friends and her family live in another county so she’s always there; I’ve told her that we’d have to hang out sometime and we have once…well we went to the store together and the whole time all she did was talk about her best friend – people I don’t even know.

The part I hate about all this is that I’m taking it out on Alan. Some where, for some reason, my mind equates X problem = Y problem with the Y = Alan and I’s relationship. I hate that I do that, I don’t know why I do but it’s gotten to the point where I”ll get so upset and make myself sick and then threaten to do stuff like hurt myself (which I’ve never done by the way because I’m too chicken shit to do it). At the time when I’m upset, it seems like the best “option” but my mind isn’t so far gone that I can still rationalize and tell myself NO, you’re not that stupid. Part of me feels really hurt and feels alone in the sense that I have no one, no one who is there as a friend, no one who is there as someone who cares and loves me and I just want to feel like I MATTER TO SOMEONE and somewhere in there between the crying and being upset and hurt and lonely, I think if I say this then he’ll react this way which will show me he feels this way…yeah it doesn’t work that way and all I”m doing is hurting myself and him and our relationship.

Alan means the world to me. I love him with all my heart, I just want him to be there…and half the time I don’t feel like he is. I’m doing the best that I can, I really am and I’d never really do anything to hurt myself or someone else even if it may feel like at the time that it’ll solve everything; in the end, I have too much to lose if I were to ever do anything irrational and I recognize that. I don’t know, half of this post probably doesn’t even make sense and is a bunch of rambling but I needed to get it out some how.

And like the title says October is almost here, I hope that October will be better than September in terms of how I feel because in the end, I am glad to be back and I am glad to be going to KU I just wish I wasn’t someone who needed people to be around to feel completely happy and that I could be content just sitting at home playing Wii or watching TV or a movie…we’ll see. I’m not going to give up and go back to South Carolina even though I’ve said it a few times, I can do this…I can get through it and when it’s all said and done I’ll be happy and things will be okay – I just need to keep my head up and doing that the best I can.

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