Posts Tagged Alan

Random rants about random things.

Jan 11

Posted by Ashley in General | 1 Comment

It’s been a couple of days since Alan left to go home and I’ve been doing better than expected. I figured I’d feel sad all day and want to cry the majority of the time, but I’ve had none of that. I am sure that sleeping all day because my sleep schedule is so screwed up has taken my mind off those things, though. I’m almost positive that in time things will get to the point where I’ll want to cry but right now, I’m fine being by myself; I went from finishing finals on the 18th of Dec. to flying to SC for Christmas on the 19th, was around my family for a week and a half with no personal time to myself, flew back to KS on the 29th and was picking Alan up that same evening – I was ready to be by myself for awhile even though I hate being alone.

My first day of work is tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it. I’m curious as to exactly what I’ll be doing since my boss didn’t really tell me; I know I have a lot of paper work to fill out so I suspect that the majority of the day will be spent doing that. My financial aid is also suppose to be deposited into my bank account tomorrow as well – this I’m really looking forward too. As of right now, I have about $1200 in bills that need to be paid which only one of those is late (my car payment)…I’m ready to get caught up on things, I hate being behind. I’m also ready to start saving money up again for the things that I want and need and to be able to do things without having to worry about not having money for food and gas.

Did I mention that Alan and I started playing WoW again? Yeah, no thanks to a cousin of his buying him WotLK for his birthday without knowing that he didn’t play anymore. I upgraded my account to the 10 day free trial of WotLK last night because I don’t have the money at the moment to get the full version but wanted to try it out and level a bit before I purchased it. I am okay with playing again only because I know we won’t ever be hardcore like before. I’ve played the game since it came out in 2004 and have been there done that in regards to hardcore raiding and being so addicted that the game schedule rules your life schedule. We’ve both sold accounts and bought new games to make new accounts because of boredom and quit several times, but we both wanted to try the expansion. It’s nice to play again and have something to do when I have nothing to do at home.

I’ve also been working on a computer list for the new computer I plan to build. It’s been giving me a headache the last few days because I couldn’t figure out if I wanted a dual core CPU or spend a bit more and get a quad core CPU, but I’ve decided to go with the dual core because I won’t be playing any other games or running applications that would benefit from the quad core. I’ll use the money that I saved from getting the quad on the other parts. The new PC is definitely something I can’t wait to get and put together because my current PC is getting worse by the day with constant lock ups and blue screens because of the RAM going bad; it’s too old to upgrade it so I’m going to replace everything. I told my brother I’d give him this PC all he had to do was get new RAM which will be about $30.

Anyways, I didn’t have the chance to work on a new theme like I wanted too. I have some ideas in mind if I can find a premade theme that goes along with those ideas to tweak a bit. Hopefully, I’ll get the time soon or at least the energy to do it. Tomorrow, I’m going to see Barry in the morning since I haven’t seen him in about a month (13th of Dec. I think) because of vacation and stuff and there’s somethings that need to be explained. I also need to call the landlord about the water heater and see if something is wrong with it; the week when Alan was here it started to act funny. I haven’t used the damn thing all day and I turned the water on to take a bath and there was NO hot water, so I waited. An hour or so later, the water is hot as can be; if it keeps up I’ll tell him to invest in a tankless water heater because I can’t not have hot water.

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He’s gone.

Jan 8

Posted by Ashley in General | 2 Comments

I got home about 45 minutes ago from the airport. Alan and I left around 3:30pm after having lunch at Apple Bee’s to insure that he got there on time since the airport is about 45minutes to an hour from where I live. We got there around 4:30pm and sat there until 6pm when he went through security and I could no longer be in his arms. I cried, of course but I think I did better this time than I have other times; I won’t cry like some Moen faucets until later tonight I’m sure when I lie down to go to sleep and don’t have him to cuddle with or tomorrow when I wake up and he’s not there. Only a year and a half left of my bachelor’s degree – if everything stays on course – and then I can move to Michigan. I miss him already.

My plan for tonigth is to cuddle up in a blanket on the couch and watch Grey’s Atanomy and Private Practice. Afterwards, I’ll probably head to bed if I’m still feeling as tired as I do now, if not I’ll read a few chapters of Twilight which I got for Christmas. Now that things that settled back down to normal, I can get back into my daily rountinue of things. Hopefully, I’ll find the time to blog this weekend about my trip to Charleston some more and what I got for Christmas, not that it’s anything highly interesting. We’ll see.

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Yesterday was a bad day.

Dec 15

Posted by Ashley in General | No Comments

I had a horrible day yesterday that consisted of yelling, screaming and arguing with Alan. I wish I had some tape drives so that I could have recorded and uploaded later what we argued about because I don’t really feel like trying to explain it but it didn’t end so nicely. I’m just sick of the drama and the arguing, whether I start or he starts – it doesn’t matter, I’m tired of it. And just when I was doing really well and feeling happy and uplifted about things, this happens. Not to mention, we’re two weeks away from him coming to Kansas to see me over break…ugh, I don’t know anymore.

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Exams week and vacation.

Dec 11

Posted by Ashley in General | 1 Comment

Tomorrow is stop day which means the end of classes which means that Monday is the start of exam week. I have four exams next week but luckily all of mine are scheduled at one per day so I can study and concern on one thing at a time. My math final is on Monday, Western Civilization on Tuesday, Research Methods on Wednesday and Child Psychology on Thursday. After that, I’m off to South Carolina on Friday until the 29th and picking up Alan at 10:30pm on the 29th when he arrives in Kansas City; he’ll be here until January 8th, so I have a pretty busy schedule until then.

Not only that but I am 98% sure that I got the job I interviewed for on Tuesday. I’ll be working as a child care attendant taking care of children while their mothers undergo treatment for drug and alcohol abuse and/or work in the community. I’m working in a day care setting but it’s not an actual day care but rather a place where these mothers live while receiving treatment for their problems and they get to keep their children with them. I’m really excited about it because it goes along with my psychology/sociology work from school and it’s about time that I find something that will give me good work experience in the field I study. I should start the job around the 12th of January; it really depends on how quick all the background check and paper work gets done.

I’m hoping that after I start working it won’t take me long to save up some money so that I can get regular Internet through my cable company so I don’t have to deal with this crappy wireless anymore. I also want to save up so I can build a new PC that doesn’t have problems and wants to crash all the time and also save for a laptop. Good thing I don’t have a home theater system, otherwise I’d have to save up for home theater seating as well…but mainly my money will be going into savings for awhile so I can rebuild my funds since I’m completely broke.

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My boyfriend bought me a gift!

Dec 7

Posted by Ashley in General | 1 Comment

Ever since someone started a thread on Lavish about Adagio Teas, I’ve been interested but I’ve never had the money to purchase any of their products. Not to mention, I was kind of intimidated by the whole loose leaf tea idea because I’m accustomed to drinking sweet tea and nothing else, although as of lately I’ve been cutting back on the amount of sugar I put in my tea as to try and eliminate completely which I’ve been doing pretty good with.

Well, the other night Alan and I were talking about tea and the health benefits of it and I linked him to the Adagio site and told him I’ve always wanted to try some their teas but had never ordered any. To my surprise, a box arrived by UPS on Friday with an Adagio Tea Starter kit which includes the Ingenious Teapot and a sampler of your choice as well as a book on teas. Alan had ordered it for me along with the black tea sampler which includes Earl Grey Bravo, English Breakfast, Irish Breakfast and Yunnan Jig. I was excited.

I tried out the teapot that night and made a cup of Earl Grey Bravo and Irish Breakfast. Needless to say, it’s something that I will definitely have to get use too and acquire a taste for. I’m so use to drinking tea that’s full of sugar that drinking the two teas I made gave me a headache and also tasted kind of odd, not because they are bad or I don’t like them but because I’m not use to such flavoring. Even the black tea I use to make sweet tea gives me no problems without sugar because I’m use to the taste of it. Either way, I’m happy that I received the gift and plan to buy more teas later when I have the money. I really want to try some flavored teas.

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Stress and relationships.

Nov 12

Posted by Ashley in Relationship | No Comments

Stress is deadly and it’s something I’ve been dealing with since I moved back to Kansas and even before then, but I’ve come to realize that my worries, my complaints and my stress were all legitimate and that it wasn’t complete bullshit after all.

I still have a lot of stress from Alan and I’s relationship but I really do hope things will get better soon. For the past year, I’ve been dealing with him telling me that my feelings were complete bullshit especially when it came to me trying to tell him and explain to him that he hasn’t treated me the same since we first met in October when I went to Michigan. He’d tell me that it was bullshit and that I was making stuff up but I knew I wasn’t and him treating me that way didn’t stop me from being the girlfriend I wanted to be for him.

It wasn’t until last weekend that I finally told him to just go be happy elsewhere because I couldn’t make him happy anymore – nothing I did or said seemed to make him happy at all and that’s the impression I got every time we talked. He told me that he realized why he had been shutting me out and that it was because when I left Michigan, it hurt him a lot…and he hadn’t felt that much hurt/pain since his last relationship when his girlfriend cheated on him. At first I was happy that he told me because I realized that I wasn’t making stuff up after all, that he indeed had been acting differently and treating me differently but now I’m having a hard time accepting it because for the past year I’ve been made to feel that my feelings were complete bullshit and now I’m just suppose to accept that I was right and everything is great.

He’s been calling me and texting me a lot more in the last few weeks which is what I’ve wanted him to do. He’s been nice to me and talks to me which is what I’ve wanted him to do and before he told me what he came to realize, I figured he was just going out of his way to be nice to me because I complained so much about how mean he was. He’s hurt my feelings a lot and made me feel like I didn’t make him happy despite always calling, always texting, always buying things for him, always telling him I love him and miss him. I want to believe that I make him happy and I want to believe that he loves me just as much as he did when he first met me, but now that I know I was right even though he called bullshit on me I don’t know what to think.

Because I was getting so tired of feeling hurt and broken down, I stopped saying I love you. In the beginning, I figured that if I didn’t say it maybe it’d get his attention but it didn’t…but in the end, it ended up hurting his feelings. The one thing that actually hurts his feelings is me not saying I love you. I didn’t stop saying it because I don’t love him, I do…it’s just I don’t know, I guess I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt anymore than I already had been. I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to break up and end our relationship because I love him tremendously but I didn’t know what else to do – I just wanted him to stop and listen to me and understand where I was coming from and stop calling bullshit on everything I said.

I don’t know if things will get better, I can only be hopeful and say that they will. I don’t hold anything against him, I’m not mad at him for what he’s done and said to me up to this point, but I feel like he owes me a lot; I had to leave Michigan to come home, I wasn’t leaving to hurt him or to say that I’m never coming back…but all he’s done is hurt me by shutting me out and I continued to be there and be a girlfriend to him. I love him but now I just don’t believe that I make him happy at all because I’ve been told so many times that everything is complete bullshit.

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Fall break.

Oct 15

Posted by Ashley in General | 1 Comment

This time last year, I was on a plane to Michigan to meet Alan for the first time; it was my fall break and it’s that time of year again and I wish I had the finances to do the same thing but I don’t. Instead I’m stuck here in Lawrence doing absolutely nothing. If anything, I’ll go to my dad’s house Friday or Saturday and stay the night so that I can do laundry at their house but they never go out and do anything either so I’d be sitting around just as much if I just stayed home.

Over the break, which really is just two days we don’t have classes, I need to figure out my job situation. I had been waiting to hear back about a job I applied to at the end of September and had received a letter about my application and resume being forwarded to the team leader for review – well I haven’t heard a damn thing since. I called yesterday to check on the status and left a message for the human resource lady and she left me a message today saying they are still looking for someone for the second position and that once it’s filled everyone who applied would receive letters in the mail; basically, I take that as I’m not going to get the job let alone get an interview.

I don’t really want to go back to Old Navy for the simple fact that I’m TIRED of retail and I want something different, I want something that’s more along the lines of what I’m going to school for but…I will most likely have to go back to Old Navy because I have no money and I’m tired of asking my mom to transfer money into my account so I can pay what little bills I have. I can’t do a damn thing – I can’t go out, I can’t buy anything…ugh it sucks. I really hope something comes up soon so I don’t have to go back there.

Anyways, I’m thinking about sitting down over my break and working on a new theme, a Christmas theme so that it’s ready come December. I’ve been trying to think of new ways to add content to the site and change it up a bit but haven’t had any luck. I’ll keep thinking though!

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