ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SLEEP WHEN 11PM ROLLED AROUND. After getting off the phone with Alan at that point, I lied there and hoped they’d realize what time it was and turn the music off…but that didn’t happen, so I got up and turned the computer on to shoot an email over to the property manager about the issue - he’ll take care of it even if it means kicking them out; he doesn’t tolerate that crap either. Aside from that it’s been nice and peaceful around here since getting rid of all the trashy, loud people and I’d like it to stay that way.

On a side note, I sent an email inquiring about a job position on campus for next semester as a student assistant in the sociology department. I think I qualify for the position but the only thing holding me back from applying at this moment are the hours they have listed - 12p-5p M-F. Next semester I have class until 12:50 om MWF and 3:45 on TTH, so if they aren’t flexible then I’ll have to pass but I’m hoping they’d be able to work something out because after all, I am a student…and I sure would love a regular job so I didn’t have to figure out how to write about things like english saddles anymore!

I still have a lot of stress from Alan and I’s relationship but I really do hope things will get better soon. For the past year, I’ve been dealing with him telling me that my feelings were complete bullshit especially when it came to me trying to tell him and explain to him that he hasn’t treated me the same since we first met in October when I went to Michigan. He’d tell me that it was bullshit and that I was making stuff up but I knew I wasn’t and him treating me that way didn’t stop me from being the girlfriend I wanted to be for him.

It wasn’t until last weekend that I finally told him to just go be happy elsewhere because I couldn’t make him happy anymore - nothing I did or said seemed to make him happy at all and that’s the impression I got every time we talked. He told me that he realized why he had been shutting me out and that it was because when I left Michigan, it hurt him a lot…and he hadn’t felt that much hurt/pain since his last relationship when his girlfriend cheated on him. At first I was happy that he told me because I realized that I wasn’t making stuff up after all, that he indeed had been acting differently and treating me differently but now I’m having a hard time accepting it because for the past year I’ve been made to feel that my feelings were complete bullshit and now I’m just suppose to accept that I was right and everything is great.

He’s been calling me and texting me a lot more in the last few weeks which is what I’ve wanted him to do. He’s been nice to me and talks to me which is what I’ve wanted him to do and before he told me what he came to realize, I figured he was just going out of his way to be nice to me because I complained so much about how mean he was. He’s hurt my feelings a lot and made me feel like I didn’t make him happy despite always calling, always texting, always buying things for him, always telling him I love him and miss him. I want to believe that I make him happy and I want to believe that he loves me just as much as he did when he first met me, but now that I know I was right even though he called bullshit on me I don’t know what to think.

Because I was getting so tired of feeling hurt and broken down, I stopped saying I love you. In the beginning, I figured that if I didn’t say it maybe it’d get his attention but it didn’t…but in the end, it ended up hurting his feelings. The one thing that actually hurts his feelings is me not saying I love you. I didn’t stop saying it because I don’t love him, I do…it’s just I don’t know, I guess I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt anymore than I already had been. I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to break up and end our relationship because I love him tremendously but I didn’t know what else to do - I just wanted him to stop and listen to me and understand where I was coming from and stop calling bullshit on everything I said.

I don’t know if things will get better, I can only be hopeful and say that they will. I don’t hold anything against him, I’m not mad at him for what he’s done and said to me up to this point, but I feel like he owes me a lot; I had to leave Michigan to come home, I wasn’t leaving to hurt him or to say that I’m never coming back…but all he’s done is hurt me by shutting me out and I continued to be there and be a girlfriend to him. I love him but now I just don’t believe that I make him happy at all because I’ve been told so many times that everything is complete bullshit.

This year - I didn’t vote for a variety of reasons; 1) I didn’t want to go through the hassle of getting registered to vote on campus being an “out of state” student even though I’m sure it wouldn’t have been that hard, 2) I didn’t want to go through the hassle of getting an absentee ballot from South Carolina, 3) I didn’t want to vote JUST to vote…if I voted, I wanted it to mean something to me and in the end, I just didn’t care enough to go out and do anything about it - man, I must be such a horrible American /sarcasm.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to see this country turn around. I want jobs to come back and our economy to become stablized. I want this and that just as much as anyone else, but I didn’t feel the need to vote this year especially in an election where it was a GIVEN from the very beginning pretty much that Obama would win and that he did. Am I disappointed or upset about it? No, I’m indifferent. If I would have voted, I would have voted for McCain and I have my reasons why, but I’m not upset in the least bit that Obama won; as long as he can do his job and get this country in order that’s all that matters in the end.

My class schedule for next semester which starts on January 15th is as follows:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday
- PSYC 300: Statistics in Psychological Research, 11am - 11:50am
- HWC 205: Western Civilization II, 12:00pm - 12:50pm

Tuesday, Thursday
- PSYC 350: Abnormal Psychology, 11am - 12:15pm
- REL 350: Islam, 1pm - 2:15pm

Independent Study (Online Course)
- PSYC 626: Psychology of Adolescence

If the regular lecture of PSYC 626 opens up, I will have that class on Tuesday, Thursday from 4pm - 5:15pm otherwise, it’ll stay as is above.

Band playing at the open of the game

KU v.s. Texas Tech

On Sunday, I got up bright and early and headed up to Lansing - a 30 minute drive from me - to see Barry. It was a good visit but then again, I can’t recall when a visit had ever been considered bad or horrible. He gets 1 visit a week, either on Saturday or Sunday (it alternates by week), from 8:30am-4:30pm; I go every other weekend and my day has been on Sunday, so I’ll get there around 8:30 and stay until 4:30 and usually his mom will show up around 12-1pm since she doesn’t like to get up early. That’s fine with me because it gives me the chance to visit with him alone and talk about anything that needs to be talked about that can’t be said in front of his mom. The only thing that sucked about visit this past weekend was the fact that they had outside visiting closed because it was windy and cold outside which meant everyone was inside which made for a very noisy time, but all that matters is that I got to see him and vice versa.

He’s currently working on some legal things with his case and if everything goes as planned and his mom can find the document he needs, there could be a small possibly of him coming home in 2-3 years instead of the 8 he has left. Of course, this is all hypothetical at this point since no one really knows if said document that is needed that could change things for the better actually exist which is why his mom has to call the attorneys office and start asking for it. I pray that things will turn out for the better, but I’m not getting my hopes up - he still has eight years left as far as I’m concerned.

The other good news is that I have a job interview tomorrow at 4pm at the Arts Center for a part time administrative assistant position. I emailed my resume on Friday of last week and got a call on Monday to setup an interview time. I’m really excited about it because I’ve wanted to get out of the retail industry for some time now and if I get this job that will take care of my financial stresses and get me out of retail. Not only that but I found out they have an Open Studio class for people who have experience in developing and printing photography that can sign up for $25 for 2 hours to use the darkroom - even if I don’t get the job, I’m still excited that I found out about this because I’ve been looking all over for a place to develop and print my photographs so I’ll definitely take advantage of this once I find out more information on it. I could spend hours in the darkroom!

At this point in time, I can say that things are going well. I’m doing good in my classes, not really stressed out about any of them and I look forward to enrolling for my spring classes on Friday. Really, I have nothing to worry about at this moment and if anything the only thing dragging me down is this damn cold weather - I should seriously think about investing in an electric blanket because I hate turning the heat on because then I get TOO hot. I’ll update tomorrow about my interview!