He passed away earlier this morning at 11:45 am EST. He had been battling throat cancer for some time but that isn’t what he passed from. He contracted a blood infection from a bed sore he had on top of pneumonia. There won’t be a service or anything special as he wanted to be cremated and didn’t want anyone to make a big deal out of it; he wants us to go about our lives. That will be hard. The older my brother and I got the further apart our relationships have drifted with my grandma and papa (my dad’s parents) but I will always hold the memories I have of him when I was younger.

One that keeps replaying in my mind is when I would visit them at their house in Columbia, SC and my Papa and I would go on a walk around the neighborhood. On this walk, we’d pass by a big hill with goats on it…I keep thinking about this and have thought about it all day. It was one of my good memories because it was just me and him. I will also never forget all the Carolina (USC) football games we went too when I was younger and how we’d detail out the maroon colored van they had while playing a fight song tape in the tape deck of the van.

The last time I saw him was when I was in SC for Christmas this past year. He wasn’t the same person he was before, he had lost so much weight…but now I know he isn’t suffering anymore. I will miss him. He always understood, never judged and had such a great sense of humor; he was so young…only 67. I wish I was going to SC with my dad, step-mom and sister tomorrow but it’s best for me and my brother to stay in KS due to work. And with the family not holding any services, we’d just be bodies in the house as my dad and my uncle figure out what is best for my grandma.

I miss him so much already. Just knowing that the next time I go to my grandma’s, he won’t be there. I don’t think it’ll effect me as much as it will when my mom’s parents pass but…it still hurts.