I don’t sit around asking for heart pendant jewelry or expensive material items. I don’t ask for him to buy me this or buy me that. In fact, I rarely ask for anything at all except for the basic necessities of a relationship: time, commitment, respect and communication. I never expect him to go out on a limb for me and go out of his way to do something nice. Am I going to complain when it he does something spontaneous? Of course not.

But by the same token, even though I may not expect it, it is nice when it happens and sometimes, even though I may not expect it, when it doesn’t it bums me out. Maybe it’s because I take the time to do things for him because it is in my nature to do so. If I see something I know he’d like, I don’t think twice about getting it. If a birthday or a special occassion is coming up, I plan ahead to figure out what special things I can come up with. I spend a lot of my time, when I’m not doing other things, thinking of ways I can show him I love him and care about him aside from saying it. That’s how I’ve always been and perhaps he isn’t the same way, but a part of me wishes he was. It’s not a problem for him to go out and spend $50+ on a video game for himself or to purchase various items that he probably could do without, but god forbid he think about something special for me.

I don’t know. Maybe I complain for nothing. Maybe I make myself upset and sad for no reason. But it does hurt. Even though I don’t expect it and I don’t expect anything materialistic, something aside from saying I love you would be nice…even if it was a card.  Something to make me feel like I’m just as important.