I haven’t blogged since God knows when and to be quite honest, I haven’t felt like. I don’t really have anything particularly interesting to talk about except that my job is going great. The first week (I started last Monday) was fairly good and it’s just a matter of time before I get the hang of everything. The children are fairly easy to work with; five of them being between the ages of 2 and 6 and the other three being 1 year old and under. Deep down I can’t help but feel sorry for them because their mother’s don’t care enough about them to really parent them effectively so the majority of the day – especially with the older kids – is spent telling them repeatedly to share, that’s not nice, don’t hit, sit down, use your inside voices. I like it though so I can’t complain.

Classes also started last week; I had a two day “week” for classes on Thursday and Friday. I’m looking forward to this semester very much. All of my professors are awesome with great personalities; the only one I’m worried about is my Islam class only because the professor is kind of…off her rocker a bit. She seemed spaced out and disorganized the first day of class, I had to laugh to myself. Speaking of Islam that brings me to another subject…Barry.

For those of you who haven’t been reading long or perhaps you’ve forgotten, Barry is an ex-boyfriend of mine whom I dated when I was in junior high school when I lived in Kansas the first time. We had a great relationship and had fun together, I mean it wasn’t anything extraordinary considering we were only 15/16 at the time. In 2004, he made a major mistake that would result in him spending the next 13 years of his life in prison and by this time, I was already living in South Carolina and had just graduated high school contemplating what to do next with my life. Needless to say, I did my best to support him and be there for him as a friend as I had always done after I left Kansas; we remained the best of friends but eventually we both moved on with our lives. When he, for whatever reason, decided he wanted to adopt the faith of Islam and become a Muslim, I was shocked but it was because of close mindedness and ignorance having never been exposed to the religion except through the media and we all know how American media portrays Muslims.

When I moved back to Kansas and started visiting him, he talked a lot about his faith and how much he’s grown. He’d talk to me about what is it Muslims believe and don’t believe and how it differs from Christianity. I didn’t mind, I was willing to learn and that was PART of the reason I chose to take the Islam class I’m taking this semester with the other reason being it fulfills a general education requirement that I have to complete anyways. I was cool with learning about Islam through Barry up until last weekend when we got into an argument at visit. It was over the fact that he doesn’t celebrate Christmas and because of his belief he believes Christmas is a bunch of lies. It wasn’t so much about the fact that he doesn’t celebrate Christmas – that’s fine, do what you want – as it was him not willing to be around his family during that time because it isn’t something he believes in. On top of that, he proceeded to say something about pork and how Muslims believe that pork is unclean, this that and the other, thus they don’t eat. He said that if his mother had pork in the refrigerator that he’d be very upset. I looked at him and told him he was selfish, self centered and egotistical and you can only imagine how that went.

It’s simple as to why I feel that way. The impression he gave me when talking about Christmas, about pork, about things in general that he believes in that his family does not because they are not Muslim is the he expects his family – his mother, his step-father – to change the way they live their lives upon his homecoming. He expects his family to not celebrate Christmas because he doesn’t celebrate it. He expects his family to not eat certain foods because he sees them as unclean and cannot eat them because of his faith. I was dumbfounded. To expect all these things from the people you love, to expect them to change their lives and what they do all because YOU don’t believe, is ridiculous. I told him: it’s not about religion or what you do/don’t believe in, it’s about respect. Your family, mainly his mother since his mother is the only one that visits, has supported you to the best of their ability. They respect your beliefs and you becoming a Muslim when they could have easily disowned you or tried to sway you away from it. The least you could do is respect their beliefs if they are different than yours and not try to sway them to your end. If you are so grounded in what you believe in, you should be able to be around your family during holidays or around certain foods without any issues. To remove yourself from the situation because you don’t believe after being gone for so long is a bit selfish.

I was ready to leave half way through the visit but stayed because his mom was coming later in the day. I was furious. To make a stupid mistake, to be gone for 13 years and to expect people to be on the same page as you after so long…just wow. It got even better on Friday when I received a letter from him in the mail. He apologized for upsetting me in any way and proceeded to tell me that I’m very near and dear to his heart and he wants me to be happy. But after all this, he had the nerve to say “I would be lying to myself if I said it wouldn’t be better for you to be more like me.” WAIT WHAT?! BE MORE LIKE YOU – IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR ME?! How dare you insult my character and everything that I am. I try to be a strong woman, a strong individual with an intelligent mind who makes sound decisions. I try the best I can at every thing and keep an open mind to new things and different things. I’ve shown him nothing but respect and allowed him to talk to me about something that I don’t believe in and have shown no disrespect for what he believes in. And he has the nerve to tell me I’d be better off being more like him.

I didn’t go to visit Saturday. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I know I’ll be writing a letter, hopefully, this week and explain to him why I didn’t go. I’m not upset about the last visit…I’m uspet about the letter. Over and over again, he has said things that have hurt me – “don’t forget the fact that you are overweight” – time and time again and I’ve brushed them off because he’s my friend, because I care about him, because I’ve known him for so long. But not anymore. I’ve come a long way, I’ve done something with my life and I continue to work hard towards my goal of finishing college. I am happy for the first time in my life SINCE dating him, with Alan, with my job, with school. If he wants to be my friend and conitnue to be someone of importance in my life, then he needs to respect me and respect my character just as I have done for him.