the one person you care about most, love the most and have completely given your heart too frustrates you more than anyone else, why is that? Perhaps, it’s because we put said person on a pedestal or hold them at a higher level than everyone else and when they don’t meet our expectations/standards, it angers us. Is this my problem? Maybe so, but it does nothing but frustrate me when he doesn’t talk, when we sit on the phone and breathe - what is the point of that? It isn’t that I don’t want to talk or that I can’t come up with something to talk about, but I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one that contributes a damn thing in that respect - I’m tired of listening to MYSELF talk and I’m tired of listening to stuff about games when he finally does talk.

Oh and another big thing that frustrates me, irritates me, upsets me, pisses me off right now is that yeah…he’s TEMPORARILY unemployed because of a lay off that happened in January and has yet to go back to work and doesn’t know when he will be going back to work, thus he does nothing but sit on his butt and play Warcraft or Xbox or what have you because looking for another job is out of the question because well…he’s suppose to go back to work SOMETIME. It wouldn’t frustrate me so much if  him not having a job didn’t equal out too me not seeing him any time soon (putting aside him having a job for himself and money for bills). Yeah it frustrates me, especially when he won’t let me buy a ticket myself or pay for things in full myself because that isn’t how we’ve done things from the beginning, it’s always been split down the middle. And it frustrates me because apparently from the impression I get, it isn’t SUPPOSE to frustrate me.

It’s not like I sit here and think about the things that frustrate me on a daily basis or that I even sit here and pin point each exact thing that he does that bugs me, because no one is perfect and I’m for damn sure I do tons of things that bug him but hey…I would never know because he doesn’t relay those types of messages to me, but rather keeps them to himself. If something bugs me, I will point it out and it something upsets me, I will make sure you know - why is that such a bad thing? 

Sigh…maybe I was meant to just be by myself and be single since it seems that nothing can ever satisfy me enough - even though it isn’t what I want. But why should he have to deal with the misery that is obviously me? He shouldn’t but he does.
/rant

I love him with all my heart and he makes me happy, but even those that we love and those that make us happy get on our nerves sometimes and sometimes we have to let those things out especially when the person who it involves doesn’t always seem to listen…but then again, who wants to be told ‘you’re the biggest stress in my life.’ No one, not even him and I don’t blame him.

Tags: Alan

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 9th, 2008 at 11:05 am and is filed under Relationship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.