There are so many things to say, so many thoughts going through my mind that even after thinking about them for a few days to make sure I had things sorted out, I still don’t know where to start. My brother has been here for a week and I’m already cringing at him being here any longer; it’s not that I don’t love my brother or that I want him to leave but…it seems that everything that seemed normal and in place has been turned upside down and I guess it’ll take some time for things to settle down. So if things seem a bit jumbled, I apologize because even I’m still trying to make sense of it all.

First let me start off by saying that my brother, Josh, is two years younger than me - turning 20 in July - and drinks more than I do and I can drink legally. Not only does he drink, but he smokes, no not cigarettes but the unmentionable kind of smoking. It disappoints me that my brother, who has only been in SC for a week now, has already smoked when he’s in the process of trying to find a job. He has great opportunities waiting for him, one of which could be working at the power company where my uncle works as a technician, making more money than he ever would at a fast food joint and without any prior training/education. My aunt told him JUST the other night “make sure you can pass a drug test” and then he goes and smokes a day later; whether it’s easy to get out of your system or not, it’s disappointing to see him do things like that and doesn’t seem to give a rats ass that it makes everyone else unhappy. 

Secondly, I am tired of people at work asking me how my cousin is doing. Sure, I guess I walked into that one when I applied to Old Navy after she told me I should and she had already been working there thus everyone knew/was told we were cousins, but I didn’t think she’d quit like she did and I most definitely don’t want to be bothered with; “how is Brendan?” “Is she getting big?” “When is she due?” JUST LET ME DO MY JOB! I don’t care if it’s a nice gesture by asking how she is, it irritates the shit out of me because you know what - I HARDLY talk to her, and well Brendan is Brendan…a lazy person who mooches off everyone, yet I feel compelled to be nice when I talk about her because it isn’t nice to talk badly about people, but sometimes I wish I could shake the person that’s asking me about her and tell them STOP ASKING ME!

Thirdly, I honestly feel like as of lately everything that I do or say is completely wrong. Whether it’s Alan telling me something I’ve asked or said or feel is pointless or stupid, or whether my mom is getting an attitude with me because I disagree with her - everything is wrong. I’m doing the best that I can like I always try to do, working and going to school, I don’t cause problems (at least try not too) and rarely ask for help or for anything and yet I feel like if I take one step out of my room, my mom goes nuts on me. I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s her, but something has got to give. Stop taking everything out on me and for once…don’t get pissed off when you disagree with me, it isn’t fair.

And fourthly (is that even a word?), Alan and I seem to be doing much better than we have in the last two months which makes me happy. It’s so stressful and takes a lot out of you when you are constantly worrying about someone/something and stressing over stupid crap; sure the stress isn’t gone and the worry is still there but I don’t feel so weighed down by him or us at this moment and I feel much better. Even now, I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me and I may never know and that’s fine with me so long as things don’t get bad like that again.

And last, I got my hair cut and highlighted before I went to Kansas; I’m not sure if I like it even two weeks later. The highlights aren’t as bright anymore, but I really didn’t want to go lighter but the hairdresser insisted that I do ‘caramel’ highlights - next time I will make sure they do it how I want it to be done despite what they say. It’s definitely a lot shorter but I needed a change and it makes it easy and quick to get ready for work and things now, but I think I like having longer hair better which I hadn’t ever had before - so I’m growing it back out, only next time it’ll be natural dark brown hair with red highlights.

 

Tags: Alan, Brendan, Family, Haircut, Josh, Work

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 8th, 2008 at 12:29 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.