Sometimes, I feel like I’ve missed the boat - the boat of being/getting married, the boat of having children and raising a family and then I look at all that I’ve accomplished so far in my life and I realize that I haven’t missed the boat, I’m just getting started. Yet for some odd reason, certain people in my family feel the need to talk to me as if I’ve missed the boat.

Have I missed the boat because I didn’t get pregnant at 17 like my cousin did and dropping out of school and have yet to receive my GED three years later? Have I missed the boat because I didn’t get pregnant and then forced to get married when I was 18? Have I missed the boat because I’m not getting a divorce after one year of being married? Have I missed the boat because I didn’t choose to do drugs, drink and run around with the worst possible people, getting into trouble, shop lifting, getting caught and going to jail for it all the while leaving my child behind so he could be taken care of by my parents? Have I missed the boat because a year later I haven’t decided to get knocked up AGAIN by the guy I’m dating? Have I missed the boat because…the list could go on forever, I’m sure but I think you get the idea.

There have been comments made about how I better get a move on and while these comments maybe made all in fun and games, they actually really bother me and hurt my feelings, why? Because I graduated high school and received my diploma and yet that WONDERFUL event didn’t last long because my family was dealing with the fact that my cousin Brendan was pregnant at 17. After high school, I chose to go to college because I knew it was the smart thing to do - I also knew it was what I needed to do in order to get ot where I wanted to go in life. I just finished my last semester for my Associates of Arts degree, so now I have a college degree. Sure, it may not be a BA (which I start in the Fall) but it’s a degree nonetheless and a hell of a lot more than someone who doesn’t have their GED three years after they dropped out of school. I didn’t date anyone seriously for three years because I knew that the person I needed and wanted in life would come along eventually and he has - there was no point in me wasting time on people that wouldn’t matter in the end, I don’t feel the need to be with someone just because I’m lonely or too feel loved - my worth as a female, as a human being cannot be summed up in the love that someone else has for me unlike it is for my cousin.

So while my cousin has an almost three year old child at age 20 and another one on the way, is technically and legally still married but is dating someone else (who she is pregnant with his child), doesn’t have a GED or a high school diploma, doesn’t have a drivers licence because it’s suspended, mooches off just about everyone who is willing to give her some thing but working part time at Old Navy just to spend her whole pay check on take out food - I’m busy getting educated so that when I do get married, when I do have children we’ll be in a good and comfortable place. I can’t afford to raise a family right now, let along afford to even get married so why is that I need to get a move on with things? Because my mom and my aunt (Brendan’s mom) were married at 19/20 and had us so early? When my cousin got pregnant people weren’t surprised because of the way she is, and yet if it was me people would shit a brick…if I got pregnant now people would STILL be disappointed so either way I feel like I can’t win, I just wish they would STOP making me feel as if I’m missing out on something when I’m clearly not.

It has always been a dream of mine to have my own family, to raise my own children, to have a good career/job and to be able to live comfortably with my husband who loves me more than anything in the world and not have to worry about a damn thing, except poopy diapers and omg the dog just jumped the fence. But I’ll have those things when I am good and ready to have them and when I know that I can provide the best possible environment for the children I do have - I won’t ever be like my cousin who relies so much on everyone else to take care of HER children, and now at 20 she is having her second child with someone who she most likely will not spend the rest of her life with…it’s sad and yet I’m the one who gets told that I need to get a move on. My grandmother says she has waited so long for this, in reference to Zachary and being able to be a great grandmother and spoil him - how is it that she’s waited so long? I’m the eldest grand child at 21…

I guess I just wish that my accomplishments in school were as big of a deal as my cousin having kids is…but I guess being uneducated and getting knocked up thus being stupid for not protecting herself > me getting a college education so that I may be able to provide for my family and not have to borrow and get money from everyone else. I haven’t missed the boat, but according to everyone else I have….

This entry was posted on Friday, December 14th, 2007 at 1:04 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.