Never Get a Break.
Between studying and being irritated, frustrated and upset yesterday I didn’t even get the chance to post what I wanted too so I’ll do that now 
 Get ready for what will seem like a bunch of complaining…
Do you ever feel like you never get a break – that no matter what is going on that something ALWAYS seems to happen that brings everything else going on in your life down? That’s how I feel right now, that I never get a break. Between being stressed and upset about money and not being able to afford gifts for Christmas and not being able to pay the cable bill, on top of having to study for exams, the icing was put on the cake yesterday when I brought my car in to get the oil changed and tires rotated. I was informed by the mechanics who did a visual inspection of my car that I have a small oil leak in the oil pan which means it needs to be replaced ASAPÂ before it gets larger and just completely drains any oil that’s put in the car – $100+ for that. I also was told, which I already knew, that my exhaust has holes in it which is why my car is so loud but that’s been there since I’ve had the thing I just haven’t had the money to get it replaced.
Over the summer, I had to spend over $600 getting my A/C fixed when a rock busted it and caused it to leak all the freon out and the driver side window that had been broken for a year. Not only that, but my mom has to switch our insurance so that I can get my windshield fixed because it has two large cracks in it and if I get pulled over I could get a ticket for the window being like that. I swear…the car, a 1995 Honda Civic LX, is a good car – it runs, it gets me to where I need to go and back, and for being a 1995 has pretty low mileage on it – but I feel as if I’m dumping more money into it than what it’s worth but I have too because I can’t afford a new car. Finding out about the oil pan/exhaust yesterday just made me feel like I never get a break; that no matter how hard I try or don’t try (just do things as they come…etc) that something ALWAYS seems to happen, that when things start to look up something comes along and BAM.
My mom is strapped on cash but somehow manages to find a way to pay for things she doesn’t need. I went and got a job because I knew I needed too and I wanted to start saving up money for when I move to Michigan and yet they aren’t giving me any hours – I’ve been looking for another job but haven’t had any luck as of yet finding anything promising. The only thing that seems to be going right are my classes and grades which I couldn’t be more proud of myself than I am already – I have done amazingly well this semester and it feels so good to be able to say, yeah I passed my classes and I got A’s in them…something I haven’t been able to do since I started college (well making A’s that is ). The only other thing aside from passing that keeps me alive and somewhat sane is Alan and I couldn’t be more thankful that I have him in my life. But even then, I have a hard time not letting the little things bother me – I can’t afford Christmas gifts, I can’t afford bills, I’m going to school AND passing with A’s, AND I’m trying to make money by working but not getting any hours -Â I feel like it gets rub in my face that “hey I can afford things and you can’t.” My life doesn’t revolve around money, it never has; I don’t ask for anything because we’ve never had the money to be able to afford just random things my brother and I may want. I don’t spend what I have, I save but when you don’t even have savings to pay things off or buy things you do NEED, it sucks…and I’m trying to do the best I can with what I have on my plate.
And while, I try to focus on the good and not stress out about the bad I can’t help but feel so overwhelmed by the things that go on in my life. My life ISN’T as stressful as it may seem or that I make it out to be but the things that do go on, stress me out till no end. If you’ve ever been strapped on cash and can’t afford bills or because the holidays are coming up and cannot afford to buy gifts for the people you care about – I’m sure you understand how I feel and I’m sure it doesn’t make you feel any better when you KNOW and FEEL deep down inside, you’re doing everything you can possibly do and can possibly think of without putting too much weight on yourself. I can only keep hoping that things will start to look up and know that they will eventually and until they do…I guess I just have to keep on truckin’.
Tags: Alan, Bills, Car, Christmas, Classes, Job, Life, Money, Stress
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